how to get away with wint(e)r

♪ Oh Canada! Our winter wonderland... True sleet and snow, in lieu of sun and sand...♪ 

Fine. So maybe that's not exactly how the national anthem of the North goes; but usually come late-December... we Canadians begrudgingly begin to question our existence within the dark deep-freezer we call home. Don't front! Even those of us who love a nice, heavy downpour of fresh powder can attest that "it ain't all good in the Canadian hood" during the winter months.

Thankfully, so far this year, the weather hasn't been too harsh on us. But, we all know that unshakable cold that seeps into our bones. The salt that accumulates and takes up residence in our boots. The icy slip-n-slides we call streets and sidewalks. The unwelcome slush showers that fall upon us when a bus zooms closely by. The mental toughness needed to simply get out of our cars to fill gas tanks in -40 C windchill temperatures. It can take a toll on us all. I don't care how Joe or Jane Canadian you are...

At one point or another, we all want to tell Old Man Winter to CUT THE SHIT, ALREADY!

(And of course, in true hater fashion, winter's all like...

Just, wild levels of disrespectful, am I right???)

That's why, friends, it's imperative to have a few go-to essentials to get you through the frigid funk of a Canadian winter. I'm not talking about your standard mittens, Canada Goose coats, and toques, here... I'm talking about your own personal survival kit, without which winter could be the end of you.

Personally, my Five Winter Weapons are (in no particular order):

1. I LIKE TO BE TEASED! I know a lot of you out there are hard-core & devout java drinkers; but I say don't knock the soothing comfort of a nice hot herbal TEA in the morning. You can go for a nice green tea, a ginger tea, a chai tea... whatever! Add some lemon slices to it, and you're good to go. Growing up, my aunt would always tell me how important it was to have a cup of hot tea (or hot water with lemon) first thing in the morning. And she was right! It's literally become second nature for me to leave the house with my tumbler of hot water & a tea bag every morning. (Shout out to Auntie L.!)

1. I LIKE TO BE TEASED!
I know a lot of you out there are hard-core & devout java drinkers; but I say don't knock the soothing comfort of a nice hot herbal TEA in the morning. You can go for a nice green tea, a ginger tea, a chai tea... whatever! Add some lemon slices to it, and you're good to go. Growing up, my aunt would always tell me how important it was to have a cup of hot tea (or hot water with lemon) first thing in the morning. And she was right! It's literally become second nature for me to leave the house with my tumbler of hot water & a tea bag every morning. (Shout out to Auntie L.!)

2. I WEAR MY "WARM" ON MY SLEEVES! Your eyes do not deceive you. What you see above is indeed, a SNUGGIE. Probably one of the most embarrassing eye-sores known to man. Also, probably one of the best things on God's green Earth. My mom gifted me with this Snuggie a few years ago for Christmas. And to say that I was perplexed and embarrassed at the thought of wearing it, would be an understatement! Now that I have my own home & trying to keep my heating bill to a minimum, this gift is a God-send; especially for those frosty nights when I'm on the couch in fetal position, TV remote firmly in hand. (Mama knows best!;)

2. I WEAR MY "WARM" ON MY SLEEVES!
Your eyes do not deceive you. What you see above is indeed, a SNUGGIE. Probably one of the most embarrassing eye-sores known to man. Also, probably one of the best things on God's green Earth. My mom gifted me with this Snuggie a few years ago for Christmas. And to say that I was perplexed and embarrassed at the thought of wearing it, would be an understatement! Now that I have my own home & trying to keep my heating bill to a minimum, this gift is a God-send; especially for those frosty nights when I'm on the couch in fetal position, TV remote firmly in hand. (Mama knows best!;)

3. I'M INTO BINGING BAD! I mean... talk about "Netflix & Chill"! During the winter months in Canada, it's more like NETFLIX & Freeze! But hey - as long as I can turn my mind to binge-watching a series for hours on end, I don't have the time nor the desire to think about, let alone face the outdoors. Cheers to lazy days on the couch in your jammy jams and tube socks, yes?

3. I'M INTO BINGING BAD!
I mean... talk about "Netflix & Chill"! During the winter months in Canada, it's more like NETFLIX & Freeze! But hey - as long as I can turn my mind to binge-watching a series for hours on end, I don't have the time nor the desire to think about, let alone face the outdoors. Cheers to lazy days on the couch in your jammy jams and tube socks, yes?

4. I ENJOY BEING "BUTTERED" UP! Black girl problems 101: My skin and hair can get hella-dry during the winter. I even get a mild case of eczema every winter. Organic SHEA BUTTER and COCONUT OIL to the rescue! These two products are my anti-dryness arsenal for both my locs AND my skin! Seriously. I use them both in my hair and as an after-shower lotion. They're natural and nourishing... The perfect tag team, really! Who says you can't find your hair products in the condiments aisle on a grocery run? Certainly not moi!

4. I ENJOY BEING "BUTTERED" UP!
Black girl problems 101: My skin and hair can get hella-dry during the winter. I even get a mild case of eczema every winter. Organic SHEA BUTTER and COCONUT OIL to the rescue! These two products are my anti-dryness arsenal for both my locs AND my skin! Seriously. I use them both in my hair and as an after-shower lotion. They're natural and nourishing... The perfect tag team, really! Who says you can't find your hair products in the condiments aisle on a grocery run? Certainly not moi!

5. I LOVE TO GET IT "KRAKEN"! Listen, you don't always need a party to get it crackin'! Sometimes, when you get home from being outside in nasty, cold weather - the best thing to do is just pour yourself a shot of dark liquor. Warms your insides right up:) I tend to keep a bottle of Kraken or Captain Morgan (or any dark SPICED RUM) on deck for such occasions... Or, you know... any day of the week. Boots off. Bottoms up! (Of course, moderation is key!)

5. I LOVE TO GET IT "KRAKEN"!
Listen, you don't always need a party to get it crackin'! Sometimes, when you get home from being outside in nasty, cold weather - the best thing to do is just pour yourself a shot of dark liquor. Warms your insides right up:) I tend to keep a bottle of Kraken or Captain Morgan (or any dark SPICED RUM) on deck for such occasions... Or, you know... any day of the week. Boots off. Bottoms up! (Of course, moderation is key!)

... That's how I get away with winter. What are your go-to's to fight the winter blahs? You know... aside from the obvious annual trip to St. Tropez (*I dream big*).

And, probably more importantly: HOW DO YOU CHOOSE TO SPELL TOQUE? Is it "TOQUE"? Is it "TUQUE", or, is it "TOUQUE?"

Can we just refer to it as a "winter beanie", and call it a day?

#WETHENORTHPROBLEMS

 

Shaolin Says.

Shaolin "J" Style

Ontario

Creative writer. Professional ranter. Canadian-born. Caribbean blood. Probably the worst introvert you'll ever meet.