"petty" wap

Hey, what's up - hello!

There's no better way to kick-off the spring season than with a fun weekend road trip with your BFF. Am I right? Of course I am! And that's exactly what I did.

This past weekend, my BFF and I loaded up my car and drove down to the 6ix (aka the city formerly known as "Toronto" to your grandfolks, ha!) to get the heck outta dodge, see a live show, and visit our other BFF who lives in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA). We took off on Friday morning, and the traffic Gods were our allies. No slow downs, no bad weather... just a chill 4-hour commute, while vibing to twerk-worthy tunes (all, while driving responsibly of course!).

 GIF courtesy of  pokey.co

GIF courtesy of pokey.co

The main reason for our road trip was to go catch a live show of one our favourite podcasts, called "The Read" (which I mentioned in an earlier post called Peace in a Pod). My friend and I had missed them the last time they came to Canada for a live show, so when we heard they were coming back to Toronto this year, we jumped on those tickets, asap. In fact, we decided to purchase VIP tickets which would allow us to meet the podcast hosts before the live show... So we were pretty hyped about it.

After successfully unloading our stuff at the hotel, foraging the nearby market for food, and getting cute to go meet our "podcast best friends in our head", we showed up at the venue on time (about 15 mins early) and waited excitedly for the scheduled meet & greet at 5:30 pm. At 5:45 pm, there was no sign of the podcasters. 6:00 pm? Nada. 6:30... still nothing. Finally at 6:45 pm (over an hour after the scheduled start time!) we were led into the auditorium by one of the event organizers, with no explanation at all as to what the hold up was.

The two podcast hosts emetged from the stage wings to get the "meet & greet" procession of photo ops underway. What I noticed was that the female co-host of the podcast exuded a warm and jovial demeanor, while the male co-host (who is the one my friend and I generally find to be the more entertaining of the two), was giving us "I'm over this. I'm here because I have to be" type energy. As they posed for fan photos, one could easily notice the faux smile forced painfully across his face, while his female co-host kept it cute and professional, giving off good energy. It was clear to my friend and I who listen to the podcast regularly, that something had transpired beforehand (perhaps 'bitch didn't have his money'?), and that he was not in the mood to "chop it up" with the guests. We also knew from months of listening to their podcast, that he was an introvert and generally didn't love being expected to "turn up" and act as outlandishly as he often does on the show. But still... you'd think that he could put his frustrations aside for 5 minutes and muster up a little positive energy to make us feel welcome, considering that we were the ones who paid our hard-earned VIP money... in Canadian dollars... in this economy... to see them. Sigh.

Nevertheless, my BFF and I got our photos taken with them and sat front row for the live show, which was quite entertaining. However, I must say that my overall experience was less enjoyable than I'd hoped, due to the lack of enthusiasm the male co-host showed for the event and for his audience. Not to mention that no one ever gave us any explanation or apology for the hour and 15 minute delay we had to endure. Perhaps don't make VIP tickets available if "meet & greets" aren't really your cup of tea? PETTY SHIT.

Fast-forward to the following day. My BFF and I packed up from our downtown hotel and headed an hour east to go see our other girlfriend in the GTA. Once we linked up, we hit up the mall and stopped at a Teavana for an iced tea sample. The girl working there made a comment to us that made our day. As we sipped on our samples, she told us that when she saw the three of us walking toward her, we looked like a fierce & cool 'wolf pack'. Though completely untrue, I imagine that in her mind, we must have been struttin' the mall halls like DC3.

 GIF courtsey of  bashfulhound.tumblr.com

GIF courtsey of bashfulhound.tumblr.com

Yaaaassss to NON-PETTY girls like her who aren't too cool to compliment other cool ladies when in their presence! Then again, she may have just been trying to soft sell us some tea... but that's neither here nor there, lol. 

Final cut to much later on that night, when my girls and I went to the club to get our dance on. After a little pre-gaming and a few well-known reggae tunes later, my friends and I were in full dance-mode on the floor, having fun. That is... until Predator Zero made his first move. 

He tried to grab one of my friends from behind to dance with him and I could immediately see it on her face that she was not interested and uncomfortable. In true 'wolf pack form' of course, I reacted and casually danced my way over to her and led her back to our spot on the dance floor. Predator Zero must not have liked this. So, he proceeded to follow us and tried again to grab and talk to my friend, who at this point was perplexed as to how and why he was still in our vicinity. She shook her head no and smiled politely as she pulled away from him again; but like a leech - he just refused to be gone. So, I stepped between them and told him loudly but nicely over the music, that she was "taken and wasn't interested". That must have activated Predator Zero's "INNER PETTY BITCH", because the next 10 words out of his mouth were: "Why are you mad that your friend's prettier than you???"

When I tell y'all that Jesus himself must have swooped down and grabbed the wheel, I do not exaggerate. My immediate reaction was to slowly pour the nearest available drink on him; but instead I calmly projected (via the large eyes & unmistakable resting bitch face that the good Lord gave me) that I was now completely and utterly bored with his existence. No words. No actions... I just looked through him, not at him.

 GIF courtesy of  ukmix.org

GIF courtesy of ukmix.org

... And eventually, after 5 more failed attempts at my friend, I guess he decided to cut his losses and go prey on other unsuspecting ladies. Yuck.

Folks, don't ever let it be said that women are always the "petty" or "emotional" ones in social situations where things don't go our way. Some of these man-boys stay in their feelings too, while we women can slap on a smize and move the fuck on.

Petty is as petty does... and sometimes, petty has a penis. That is all. 


Shaolin Says. 

Shaolin "J" Style


Creative writer. Professional ranter. Canadian-born. Caribbean blood. Probably the worst introvert you'll ever meet.