oh, so it's just ***K YOU to my aux cord, huh?

Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.
— Gertrude Stein, American novelist, poet, playwright and art collector

Ahem. Things we are not ready for as a modern society: Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna's offspring. A reality star and racist as the potential leader of the free world. A new Outkast album (because how fucking amazing would that be?). Oh, and the future of technology. Our access to new technology is reaching new levels of cray, folks.

Earlier this week, my sis and  I set foot in a MacDonald's in celebration of my nephew's birthday; and to my surprise, I came upon a life-sized, stationary iPad. I was confused. And then I saw someone use it. It became clear to me that what I was witnessing was someone virtually placing their food order via this machine.

I shit you not: this machine was planted no more than five feet away from the ordering counter - where an actual HUMAN was ready and waiting to take an order. So naturally, my sister and I looked at each other and without words, unanimously gave the appropriate reaction:

 GIF courtesy of  media.tumblr.com

GIF courtesy of media.tumblr.com

We didn't get it. We didn't get why someone would choose to spend extra time to type in an order on an obnoxiously large screen when they could literally walk up to the counter and tell the cashier what they want. In real time. It hit me just how spoiled and disconnected we seem to be becoming as a society. To flat out ignore a human who is right in front of you in favour of a machine is a little disconcerting... And this is coming from someone who, when called "antisocial", finds it... kind of endearing. Soooo, are we really getting to a point where all service jobs will be performed by 'bots'? We're really going there?

Speaking of bots - now we've got cars like Elan Musk's Tesla that can truly drive themselves. Brilliant idea... because we all need someone like this mofo sharing the highways with us:

Le sigh. 

I mean, if the car is just going to drive itself anyway, aren't I really just buying a bus pass that costs six figures? Dude. If I wanted to be chauffeured about town in a private car, I'd just order an Uber, thank you very much. I dunno. Maybe it's my inner "broke girl" speaking, but to spend six figures on a moving lazy-boy is kinda nutty to me.

What might be even nuttier though is paying close to four figures for a phone that no longer comes with standard pair of earphones. Yes, Apple. I'm talking to you. How are you going to come out with a brand new iteration of your classic iBank... I mean iPhone, and deliberately omit one of the most essential components of the thang? I know you're about your paper, Apple - so it makes financial sense to roll out a new product that forces us to buy additional hardware for optimum functionality of your device. But DAMN GINA! That's kinda cold.

Some of us aren't willing to sell our organs to be able to afford both a phone and $200 wireless AirPods (that will almost certainly but accidentally find their way into the washing machine and be forever ruined). Some of us enjoy having our devices tethered to us by a thin wire so that we can keep track of our precious smartphones. Some of us want to keep rocking the beautiful brand-name headphones we already have with our phones. 

And perhaps most importantly: SOME OF US STILL LIVE BY OUR AUX CORDS IN OUR CARS. Apple - did you stop to think for once how lame roadtrips could be now, if we can no longer share the infamous aux cord with our homies?

How DARE you deprive us of the roadtrip "turn up". How. DARE. You.

Listen y'all. All I'm saying is that I think we're starting to take this whole "futurama" stuff way too seriously. We're just not mentally ready, nor are we responsible enough to handle some of these technological advances. It's like we're going through a weird patch of "technological puberty".

It's awkward. It's frustrating. And we all just end up looking like ass-hats whenever we try to keep up with shit we have no business getting into.

Let's everybody calm down, yes? I know the future isn't promised, but it doesn't have to be such a close-talker... does it?


Shaolin Says. 

Shaolin "J" Style


Creative writer. Professional ranter. Canadian-born. Caribbean blood. Probably the worst introvert you'll ever meet.